Month One

I'm still pinching myself. As real as life is for me now, sometimes it's still hard to take in where God has placed me.


I am in the best place I could be at the moment. It's the most encouraging, fun, adventurous, joyful places I've ever been in but it's also the most challenging, crazy, and confusing place I've ever been in. 


I'm in church and services every day, feeling God's presence and the love of amazing people around me, but then I'm also surrounded by people that it's easy to get intimidated by and messages that are challenging the core of who I am.


The greatest part of all of this, however, is that I'm able to go to my last resort. And by last resort, I mean first resort. The one thing I know how to do is seek Jesus. Beyond any gifts or talents, I know that I can always find Jesus. 


As I've been thinking about all my dreams and desires in the future, I can get so overwhelmed and almost irritated because it's so open and unsure. But I've purposed in my heart to seek Jesus no matter what. I've probably said this time and time again in my blogs, but I just can't do any of this stuff without him being my number one priority. I can't be a leader, I can't manage my money, I can't do my best in worship, I can't know what I'm doing here without Jesus. I've realized every desire and dream is destined to fail if he's not in the center. My prayer is JESUS BE THE CENTER. I'm throwing off everything that's self-seeking and putting him in the middle of it all.


Being at a leadership college has challenged me in my relationship with Jesus and discipline of seeking him. These past few weeks have been so awesome as I've grown in my disciplines. Every morning I wake up and read my Bible and pray. It honestly isn't as efficient when I do it any other time of day. There's an intimacy I feel with Jesus and I sit in my prayer closet (literally) and just talk to him. 


I'm also really becoming disciplined in just practicing for worship. For my performances in the worship stream, I practice every day doing vocal warm ups and technical exercises and then singing the pieces assigned to me. God really does bless faithfulness and hard work. I don't have to overcomplicate things. 


So here's a little piece of my life and what my week looks like:


Monday: I have Chapel service in the morning with all the first years. Then in the afternoon I have worship tutorial (which is just a small class of people I'm with every day where we talk about applying the things we learn in our lecture). At night, I have worship workshop where we practice our songs with our instructors and do them up on stage (SO FUN!)


Tuesday: I have Chapel service in the morning with all college students. Then I have Old Testament lecture in the afternoon (which is blowing my mind every week. I've realized I really am a nerd at heart and I seriously love learning diving deeper into the context of the Bible). Following lecture, I have Old Testament tutorial or study.


Wednesday: I have Chapel service (again) with all the college students in the morning. I then have Worship lecture in the afternoon with the incredible Aaron Puddle. Following that I have my Church life, which is where I volunteer each week in being apart of church. I volunteer at Youth Alive, which is an awesome organization connected with Hillsong that plans Youth and Youth pastor events throughout the year. After that, I go home and get ready for connect group, which is totally incredible. This small group is what helps me going each week and it is so full of life and support and such a spirit of faith.


Thursday: I have Sisterhood in the morning. Sisterhood is the women's ministry here at the church and is all about empowering women to step into the role God has placed for us all. I'll be serving in Sisterhood in a few weeks and that will be amazing. We have coffee and tea and toast and it all makes you just feel so beautiful. After that, I have Personal Leadership tutorial with Margaret Stunt, who is AMAZING. I couldn't not ask for a more wise, real, and passionate person to be my instructor. And she's British! Ha! After tutorial, I work at Youth Alive for a few hours. Then at night, I go to creative night, which is where everyone in the creative streams comes together to worship and present pieces and talk about the creative life of this church.


Friday: I have Fridays off but lately I've been volunteering the 7th-9th grade ministry called Fuel at night time with my friend Kim. We're able to pray and encourage and have just crazy fun with these kids. A lot of the kids have a genuine passion for Jesus and they're even stepping up to pray and lead each other. As much as I'm encouraging them, they encourage me as well.


Saturday: Always up for fun on these days! I went to the beach last Saturday and it was beautiful. 


Sunday: I get to the church at 7am for choir and I sing at both morning services. It's so surreal. Every Sunday, I've just been amazed at the fact that I'm in choir at Hillsong Church. It's an incredible blessing and God speaks to me every single service. After church, I go home and rest until it's time to go to the night service.




SOOOOO, yes. This is my week. I go through a roller coaster of emotions each week, but I know I'm growing into the woman God has made me to be. He's revealing himself in ways I can't imagine. This first month has been hard and overwhelming, but I've never been so sure of where He's wanted to me. This is my dream come true. I'm beyond blessed.


My last little note: God has given me incredible friends! My housemates are just the best. They're all unique and hilarious and fun, but God has so strategically put us together and we're a force to be reckoned with! And then I have a new friend Kim from Florida. It's been one of those weird instant connections. Not quite explainable, but I've found such comfort in her friendship. It's one of those where all you have to do is be in the same room with them to feel better. God has seriously surrounded me with his love through these incredible girls. 

Here's my little update, and I hope you enjoyed. I'm asking for prayer for provision and God's guidance throughout this time. Thank you all for all you've done for me and you're constant support! 


xx :)

Serious

I've done some amazing things in the past week. So far, I've been to Bondi Beach and climbed on the rocks. I've walked around the city of Sydney and eaten great gelato as well as see the Sydney Opera house (which is absolutely GORGEOUS). I've walked home singing in the rain. I went to an incredible retreat for young adults with eye-opening speakers and thick, powerful worship. I ate more fruit than I have in my whole life. I've gone to an insane crazy dance party. I've met students from several nations. I've watched fireworks from the Sydney harbor. I've slept on the beach for a few hours (before being rained out and having to sleep in the car. Sort of a bust, but I still saw an amazing sunrise). I've had incredible conversations with my wonderful, faith-filled housemates. 

But besides all this, it truthfully has been really hard. I knew it would be, but as much as you can brace yourself for something doesn't mean you won't feel the full effects of it. My emotions have been on an extreme roller coaster. I miss my family terribly. I miss laying on the coach at home. I miss my church. I miss my best friends. I miss it all. I hate talking on the phone to my parents because I practically break down in tears each time we speak.

However, in the transition and insanity and adjustments, the Lord has already started to work so much on my heart. The retreat was so huge for helping get my mind on Him and off myself. The moment I got to college and started meeting students, I became extremely insecure. Every outfit I regretted. Every hair do wasn't enough. I felt like a dork having to wear my glasses constantly to let my eye heal from a flame-up last Sunday. 

But as I let the Lord minister to me at the retreat, I really felt him telling me how much he valued me and how he hated when I compared myself to others. Because I can't be compared to anyone else. He loves me just as I am and wants to use me just as I am. His plans for me are so much bigger than the ones I have for myself and I can't put him in a box.

I made a promise for this year that this is the year I'm getting serious about the Lord. Serious about him being in every aspect of my life. Serious about depending on him more than ever before, despite what I feel or the circumstances that present themselves to me. 

In Job 42:5 it says, "My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you."

The Lord is taking me to the next level in our relationship, but that means I have to go to the next level in my devotion. To see his face, I must seek it. Above all else, I have to continue to establish time and intimacy with him because that is the only thing that keeps me grounded and secure.

I don't know what the year holds or what the future brings, but I know who holds this year and who brings the future. I will hold fast to his promise and his word. I know he will never leave me, nor forsake me.

"God is good and will only ever do good." -Steve Penny 

Every day I'm here, God confirms more and more that he wants me here and things get better and better. The Lord has only GOOD things planned for me and I am open to whatever he wants to do. To him be ALL the honor and glory and praise and worship.

"Take the world, but give me Jesus."

xx

L

First Day at Hillsong

HERE WE GOOOOO! 

Gosh, what a whirlwind! God is so good. And he truly has been with me every step of the way.

So, I arrived around 9:30 am today and took a shuttle to the church. It already feels like home. I got my arrangements for housing and met a ton of new people. Everyone is so inviting and friendly!

One of the best parts was seeing my friend, Sarah Combs, who is also from Tennessee. She is an amazing friend and has been a total Godsend helping me with everything. She took me to the closest shopping center where we got food and I got a phone. It's a step back from an iPhone, but I think I'll manage. Not trying to be too picky here.

After that, I was taken to my house and there wasn't a housemate in site! All the rooms were filled except for a bed in one, so I assumed that one was mine. I unloaded my monstrosity of clothes and the like and then got a good shower. I felt completely gross and that shower was amazing!

The weather here is completely gorgeous! It's summer of course. There'll be a time of day where it gets pretty hot, but then in early morning and as it gets towards night it cools down to the most wonderful windy weather. I love it! 

After getting settled for a few hours, one of my roommates arrived with her friend. They're both gorgeous and Australian so it was so amazing to connect with them. They took me to coffee at Gloria Jeans where I got a Long White (is that right Stephen Rohrer?). SO GOOD.

So now, I'm waiting to meet all the rest of my wonderful housemates. I think only one other is American. The rest are Australian, Canadian, and British. What a blessing!!

I wanna cry right now. Out of some serious joy. Because I've been prepared for this. I've been gearing up for this and I'm taking it all in. God is making my dreams come alive before my eyes. I have such peace about being here and I feel at home even in the first day. 

I'm so completely excited for what lies ahead. I'm letting God write my story and I couldn't be more thrilled and humbled.

The sun hasn't even set yet and it's almost 7pm. Oh Australia, could you be more lovely?

xx

L

Detours

Being on the adventure of a lifetime doesn't always go as planned. We make out this map and we wanna stick to it and be all grown up, but we forget that God is the one who directs our steps.


Proverbs 20:24
New International Version (NIV)

 ²⁴ A person’s steps are directed by the LORD.
   How then can anyone understand their own way?


I'm on my way to Sydney, and I feel like my course has been redirected a thousand times. Therefore, it's like my emotions have been redirected a thousand times. Worried, anxious, confused, settled, content, confused, worried, anxious, settled, content, and on and on it goes.


Okay, it's not quite that dramatic. But anyways, I feel like in all of this, the Lord just wants to show me that no matter where the waves and wind toss me, He is the anchor of everything and he's actually steering this ship exactly where he wants it go. I always like to say he is constantly working behind the scenes, and he's definitely doing that in my situation.


These days are a whirlwind, but I'm overwhelmed at how constant his presence and reassurance and hand are just right here. He's brought me such peace and joy through all of this. I haven't even had a meltdown! HaHa!


Out of the other 7 billion people on this earth, he chose me for this adventure. And he'd planned this since the day I was born. Sometimes I can't believe this! It's incredible. I'm so grateful and in such adoration for my savior. He not only saved me from the depths of Hell, but also wants to give me heaven on earth?! An abundant life, yes!


And it's the same for you! No matter where the Lord is taking you in this new 2012 season, he wants to give you an abundant life. He made us for abundant lives (i.e. the Garden of Eden)! If you don't quite understand where you're going and your detour seems completely out of place, maybe you're exactly where he wants you to be.


Just trust. 

Broken Ones

I'm really praying that in my year growing at Bible college, God will really begin to open my eyes to the direction he has for me and the things he wants me to do. Yes, there are things I'd love to do. But I can't confirm that those are HIS plans just yet.

I know there is one thing He has for me to do, but the task will take discernment and growing and maturity to walk more deeply into. That task to love the lost and broken. It's not that I'm sitting here trying to make it seem like this complicated thing I need to study for or research, but I just know I need more transformation to be more efficient in this calling.

I found in Mark where Jesus healed a man of leprosy.

Mark 1:40-42

A man with leprosy came to him and begged him on his knees, "If you are willing, you can make me clean." Filled with compassion, Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. "I am willing," he said. "Be clean!" Immediately the leprosy left him and he was cured.

Leprosy was seen as a curse in the days of Jesus. The lepers were those cast out of the city to live in isolation. Completely abandoned and condemned. And yet Jesus was filled with compassion and love for the very ones even the Pharisees and "righteous people" despised to go near.

I want to go after these people. The condemned and unloved. The untouchable people. The people the Church has not yet been able to get to. The people everyone just assumed would go to Hell, I want to show them the power of Jesus and the eternal life he has to offer. The unchurched.

If I'm to be anything like Jesus, then this IS my task and calling. There is no other choice, no other way. I pray Jesus open my eyes to these people and fill me with compassion for them. I pray I'll become more and more like him to draw more and more of the lost to Him.

A new song recently came out that I seriously love called "The Broken Ones" by Dia Frampton. So good.

"I can't help it, I love the broken ones. The ones who need the most patching up. The ones who've, never been loved, never been loved, never been loved. And oh maybe I see a part of me in them. The missing piece always trying to fit in. The shattered heart, hungry for a home. No you're not alone, I love the broken ones."

I love the broken ones.

Spectacles

The way I see myself is so distorted sometimes. I'm too fat, my hair looks a mess, my legs aren't long enough, my hands look disgusting, and clothes just never looks right on me.


Then those thoughts turn into, "I'm worthless. I'm not enough. I can't compare."


The past week or two, these lies have been knocking at my door, making me wish I was someone else. Wishing I was more that, and less this.


This morning I finally decided to open my Bible. I haven't been avoiding it, but I definitely haven't been running to it. With the hustle and bustle of this week, it's been easy to put it off and just grovel in my feelings and deceptions. In my head, I know the answer is there, but my selfishness gets in the way.


As I'm reading, it finally clicks. I realize it actually isn't about how I see myself. It actually isn't about me at all.


Song of Solomon 4:7
All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you.


Psalm 45:11
The KING is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your Lord.


The Lord's truth finally got to my heart. It's how he sees me. I had to have that moment where I confessed, "God, I don't feel beautiful and it's hard to see myself this way, but because you said so, I will believe it." It's his truth that has to trump my feelings. It's his spectacles that I see through, not my own.


I love the scene in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader movie, where Lucy tries to change herself to Susan and then immediately meets Aslan after realizing her mistake.


Aslan: You wished yourself away and with it much more. Your brothers and sisters wouldn't know Narnia without you, Lucy. You discovered it first, remember?
Lucy: I’m so sorry.
Aslan: You doubt your value. Don't run from who you are.

So many times, I want to run from who I am. I want to change and be someone else. Jesus tells me the contrary. He tells me that no one can fulfill the destiny has for me except me. 


I was in the kitchen making coffee, picking out every little thing I didn't like about myself, when Jesus told me, "You're like the anorexic girl who still thinks she fat! Lydia, Lydia, please, you're perfect! You're beautiful just the way I made you!" It hit me like a ton of bricks. He pleaded with me with his arms wide open. I couldn't do anything but run to them. 


The moment we get our eyes off ourselves and look to Jesus, he'll start to change everything. He directs our eyes and then shows us ourselves in our royalty and beauty as he purposed and designed us to be. When we get beyond ourselves, then we're truly able to see with clarity and then show others how to do the same. If I just keep looking at Him and holding His hand, he'll whisk me away to his incredible purpose and glorious relationship with Him. 


Those lies don't even have a chance to try and catch up. 


Philippians 3:12-14
Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

New Name, New Adventure

I never know how to start a blog. It's kinda awkward. But I decided to start a new one, or at least rename my old one. I want to be able to tell about my new adventure coming up. 


I'm moving to Sydney, Australia in 62 days. January 17. 2 months. Soon. I'm going to Hillsong College to study worship music. I'm stoked to say the least. But more than just telling about all the exciting things I do, I want to talk more about how I discover more of who Jesus is in all of this. Sometimes I feel like I barely know him. And I don't mean know ABOUT him, but know him deeply and personally. 


I feel like I've put him in this box. There's only certain ways he can speak to me or touch my heart. There's only certain ways I can worship him or prove myself, as if I need to. 


I want Jesus to smash this box to pieces. I want him to completely demolish everything I thought I knew he was. Not to become something else, but to become more than I ever could imagine. 


In C.S. Lewis' stories, The Chronicles of Narnia, I love how the character of Aslan relates so much to Jesus. I know it's quite obvious the similarities in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, but even in the other six books, I love how profound and relatable the character is. 

Aslan was great and majestic and loving and compassionate, but he was not feeble, nor predictable. He always went beyond the expectations or assumptions of everyone who came into contact with him. One of my favorite parts of The Chronicles of Narnia is when Jill Pole meets Aslan for the first time.


"Are you not thirsty?" said the Lion.
"I am dying of thirst," said Jill.
"Then drink," said the Lion.
"May I — could I — would you mind going away while I do?" said Jill.
The Lion answered this only by a look and a very low growl. And as Jill gazed at its motionless bulk, she realized that she might as well have asked the whole mountain to move aside for her convenience.
The delicious rippling noise of the stream was driving her nearly frantic.
"Will you promise not to — do anything to me, if I do come?" said Jill.
"I make no promise," said the Lion.
Jill was so thirsty now that, without noticing it, she had come a step nearer.
"Do you eat girls?" she said.
"I have swallowed up girls and boys, women and men, kings and emperors, cities and realms," said the Lion. It didn't say this as if it were boasting, nor as if it were sorry, nor as if it were angry. It just said it.
"I daren't come and drink," said Jill.
"Then you will die of thirst," said the Lion.
"Oh dear!" said Jill, coming another step nearer. "I suppose I must go and look for another stream then."
"There is no other stream," said the Lion.


I want Jesus to go beyond my expectations and assumptions. He is the Ephesians 3:20 God that goes "exceedingly beyond." I need some "exceedingly beyond" in my life. I need to be completely broken and ruined so that He can build me up again. It's a scary and painful process, but Jesus never promised us things would be painless. 


However, that makes the reward even greater. It allows Him to take me places I'd never  imagine or believe I could go. It allows Him to do the crazy, incredible, mind-boggling transformation and changes in my life. It allows Him to show me his wild, all-consuming, and inviting love for me. It allows Him to roar in and show me exactly what his power alone can do.


After all, he's not a tame lion.