Month Five

Choices. It all comes down to choices. I choose what I will believe. I choose what I will speak. I choose what I let build me up or tear me down. 


The fifth month being here has been the most incredible and the most hard so far. It has been so exciting gearing up for the next semester and being challenged as a leader. I've been able to join an incredible team of world-changing people to lead connects next semester and they've been challenging me to a rise to a higher standard in every area of my life. I've been able to see myself in Christ and realize all that he's empowered me with.


But I do need a miracle. I need the finances to stay here next semester (tuition). I also need finances for rent and food. In the past month, things have gotten to where the rubber hits the road. But the blessing of being challenged and doing life with my incredible connect leaders is I've been able to ask myself, "Am I going to believe in my lack or in God's abundance? In the facts or in His truth?" 


God has a way of creating such perfect timing in every season I'm in. He knew I'd be needing to stir up my faith and not let fear in, and he's surrounded me with leaders that speak life and encouragement into me.


About a month ago, if you asked me about finances and how I felt about it, I wouldn't be able to give you answer without hints of fear and worry. And even though those thoughts try to creep in, I don't have doubt any more. At the end of the day, if God has called me here, he will provide. I was meeting with my tribe leader, Lindsey, and just a few words she said to me were so empowering: "God's got you." So I will not allow anything but life and assurance consume my heart and mind. My miracle is on it's way and I'm expecting it with such joy.


God has such GOOD things ahead. And speaking of good things, Hillsong Conference is literally next week. I am so excited and thrilled to be apart and serve and see God work in such crazy supernatural ways. We're going to be in the All Phones Arena, which holds 20,000 people. Talk about the masses. I'm ready to hit the ground running and serve with all I've got. I'm on Refresh team, which means I'll be cleaning. I'm excited about this because I know no matter where I serve, God is going to speak and work in and through me. And even looking at my life as simple as being like Jesus, he washed his disciples' feet. He got in the dirt and washed those nasty, hairy, probably crazy toe-nailed feet. And if he did it, I'll do it with joy. If it wasn't too low for Jesus, it will never be too low for me!


So with that in mind, I will say adieu. God is so good and I've found such peace in knowing that even in the storms and rough times, there is joy if I choose it and if I receive it. God's power has given us everything we need for life and Godliness (2 Peter 1:3). So I challenge you to stop looking for more faith or peace or joy, because God has already given you everything you need to do what he's called you to do. It's your choice to access it.


ps. My birthday was the most incredible thing this world has seen! Not only did I go on a crazy scavenger hunt in the city and eat at Pancakes on the Rocks (AMAZING), but my housemates threw me a surprise birthday party the night after as well with all my amazing friends. I was so blessed! JUST THE BEST. I'll post some photos on here soon :)


xx
L

Month Four

I am not the woman who stepped off the plane here in Sydney four months ago. This month has confirmed it.


In the past month, I feel like I've been broken into a million pieces and put back together again. I literally think I've cried every single day, either from good or bad reasons. I finally got a job. I ran out of coffee. I ran out of myself, too. Ha, I know that wasn't that funny, but I laughed. 


My biggest lesson this month is that I've never arrived. I've never arrived at loving Jesus or his people enough. I haven't arrived at being the woman he's called me to be. I haven't arrived in my gifting or calling. But that is the whole point of this journey. I'm running a race, not lounging in some hot tub. Every day is about pushing forward towards Jesus Christ. I won't arrive at the goal in my lifetime, because my goal is eternal.


God is pulling me and growing me and pouring me out until there's nothing left of myself. Every day. Every hour. Every minute. But the best part about losing myself, is that I get filled with him. And he is the most satisfying thing I've ever experienced.


I find more of myself in Him. I understand who I am in Him. The best part about it all is that I don't have to strive. I just be and that's it. I abide in Him. It all makes sense. But I still haven't arrived.


I am at the point where this is everything I am. I'm not here for me or for the lime light. I'm here for all the people God's called me to, both now and for the future. That is why God has brought me here. And I'm willing to lay my life down in every sense for Him. If he called me to live in a cave for the rest of my life to reach two random people, I would do it. 


I love him. That's why.


On a lighter note, I got a job!!! God is faithful. I'm a waitress for the first time and it gets a bit crazy at times. But by God's grace, I've really gotten the hang of it and actually get great reward out of serving my customers. And the most surprising thing of all has been how strongly I feel God talk to me while I'm just cleaning tables. 


I just want to encourage whoever's reading this to know that if God can provide and heal and protect and bring me here, he can do it for you! In my Old Testament class, I've just been so encouraged and inspired by the fact that God 4,000 years ago is the same as He is today. He has not changed. He is good and only does good. He does everything and allows things to happen for his good purpose. He will bring everything around because he orchestrates it all. Trust him. Cling to him. Be ignited by his love and hope. 


I'm still trusting God for the second half of my tuition. But I know it's already here. It's provided for. I speak it in faith every day because I know God has called me here and he provides where He guides. I'm excited and full of faith.


Whooo. Feels like I just spilled out my guts. But I hope you enjoyed it, somewhat. Until next time.


xx

Month Three

For this update, I thought I'd do a video. I'm sharing mostly on my heart and what God's been doing in me over the last month. 


I've been getting a lot of prophetic words from several friends about my future and how God is going to use me in the church. It's been blowing my mind because none of it is a surprise. It's all confirmation! 


But anyways, I hope you enjoy it! The Lord is so amazing and I've been so blessed in the surprising freedom of life not being about me anymore. 


Well, here it is:
http://youtu.be/E0-G7yg6GHc


Excited for what lies ahead. BIG things!


xx
L

Month Two

Where in the world did month two go? Like I almost don't remember it! 


It was mainly due to Colour Conference for our women. Last weekend we had conference one with 12,000 women in the city and then this past weekend we had 4,000 women here in the convention center at Hillsong. Talk about a lot of estrogen! 


For the first conference, I served in Hillsong resource. I basically helped women check and buy resources from our church and the key speakers at the conference (Priscilla Shirers and Beth Moore!!!). I really tried to go into the first conference with the mindset of seeing the beauty in every women and knowing that no small task accomplished just a small purpose. Everything I did was a seed. And it was such a great experience!! Everything flowed so smoothy and the women really were delightful to serve and talk to.


Conference two was a whole other ball park. I actually wasn't required to serve and most first year girls sat in the sessions or watched them from the chapel, but I really wanted to serve again. I'd been telling my housemates that I really missed being with kids, and God totally gave me the opportunity to serve with kids! I was placed in the Ark, which is 3-4 year olds.


Oh, I loved it! It was exhausting, as children's ministry always is, but it was overwhelming being able to love on these kids. Each session, we had praise and worship and a lesson, and I just loved how the whole thing was centered around these kids having a God moment. The entire environment and setup and schedule was with the purpose of getting these kids to see Jesus. I was so blessed by these kids as much as I was serving them. One little girl named Talitha was raising her hands and closing her eyes so sincerely without anyone telling her. I could have cried right then and there because I know Jesus was speaking to her little heart.


Needless to say, I have such a huge heart for serving now. I believe in its effectiveness and I think it's huge for all believers to serve the body of Christ. It's the tool we can use to get what God has called us to do accomplished. Whatever is put in my hand, I will choose to go at it 100% and be diligent and serve with my whole heart.


As far as the rest of life, I've got to get some things together. Coming off the "conference high" mode has been kinda hard and I've definitely been pretty disorganized. The tiredness has led to a bombardment of feelings of homesickness and stress and all that jazz.


I'm having to choose peace. I can't just try and have it come in. I have to choose to ask Jesus for peace. It's not from anything I can muster up.


The newness has definitely worn off here. It's still incredible and every day I thank God I'm here, but I'm finally seeing that this is my life now. It's not a vacation. It's my adulthood. 


I feel lost half the time. But dad says that's kinda the rest of your life. There's so much unknown and uncertainty. Duh. But that's why God and his Word is so important. I'm just lost and incapable and a little girl without him. 


The rest of this year is going to be incredible. Not just for me, but for God and his kingdom. At the end of the day, I have to remember that it's just not about me. My feelings may be going haywire and I may feel lost, but God is still in control. When I ask him to come and have his way in my life, He will. Despite what I go through or feel, Jesus will get the glory and he will help me through it all. I trust him. 


I would like to ask for prayer for finances and a job. I'm starting to apply at jobs because I still need help with living expenses. God is provider and I will trust in his word, not in my bank account or worries. I'd also love prayer for just diligence in all that do, whether in work or practice or in my budget. 


For month three, I'm believing to dig my heels in and really start to have the discipline that my life is calling me to. I'm digging into God and into his word. I'm going to be diligent and faithful. 


God is good. That is all.


xx

Glimpses

Sometimes I get glimpses of that woman. 


She's the woman that God has called and created me to be from the very beginning. The woman that doesn't agree with the girl of her youth. She is different. She is more.


I feel like God has lately been giving me those glimpses of that woman as I've been in worship, ministering to people, or even just sitting in my closet talking to him.


But this isn't just overwhelming, it's terrifying. I feel like God is preparing me to go to war for him. He's using me in his military strategy. As dramatic or even masculine as that that seems, several times he's told me that I'm going to be a weapon in his hand for the kingdom. But that means going where no one else wants to go. That means danger and risk. That means coming against the arrows and attacks of the enemy.


How in the world can I be that woman? I don't feel very brave. How do I protect? How can I be that strong?


Thank the Lord that it's not I who lives any more. I'm not the spirit or the strength or the intelligence or courage. I'm just the vessel. The vessel used for his glory. 


And as long as I know it's the Spirit of the living, faithful, mighty, conquering, creator God that is working through me and not myself.... well, bring it on, Devil. 

Month One

I'm still pinching myself. As real as life is for me now, sometimes it's still hard to take in where God has placed me.


I am in the best place I could be at the moment. It's the most encouraging, fun, adventurous, joyful places I've ever been in but it's also the most challenging, crazy, and confusing place I've ever been in. 


I'm in church and services every day, feeling God's presence and the love of amazing people around me, but then I'm also surrounded by people that it's easy to get intimidated by and messages that are challenging the core of who I am.


The greatest part of all of this, however, is that I'm able to go to my last resort. And by last resort, I mean first resort. The one thing I know how to do is seek Jesus. Beyond any gifts or talents, I know that I can always find Jesus. 


As I've been thinking about all my dreams and desires in the future, I can get so overwhelmed and almost irritated because it's so open and unsure. But I've purposed in my heart to seek Jesus no matter what. I've probably said this time and time again in my blogs, but I just can't do any of this stuff without him being my number one priority. I can't be a leader, I can't manage my money, I can't do my best in worship, I can't know what I'm doing here without Jesus. I've realized every desire and dream is destined to fail if he's not in the center. My prayer is JESUS BE THE CENTER. I'm throwing off everything that's self-seeking and putting him in the middle of it all.


Being at a leadership college has challenged me in my relationship with Jesus and discipline of seeking him. These past few weeks have been so awesome as I've grown in my disciplines. Every morning I wake up and read my Bible and pray. It honestly isn't as efficient when I do it any other time of day. There's an intimacy I feel with Jesus and I sit in my prayer closet (literally) and just talk to him. 


I'm also really becoming disciplined in just practicing for worship. For my performances in the worship stream, I practice every day doing vocal warm ups and technical exercises and then singing the pieces assigned to me. God really does bless faithfulness and hard work. I don't have to overcomplicate things. 


So here's a little piece of my life and what my week looks like:


Monday: I have Chapel service in the morning with all the first years. Then in the afternoon I have worship tutorial (which is just a small class of people I'm with every day where we talk about applying the things we learn in our lecture). At night, I have worship workshop where we practice our songs with our instructors and do them up on stage (SO FUN!)


Tuesday: I have Chapel service in the morning with all college students. Then I have Old Testament lecture in the afternoon (which is blowing my mind every week. I've realized I really am a nerd at heart and I seriously love learning diving deeper into the context of the Bible). Following lecture, I have Old Testament tutorial or study.


Wednesday: I have Chapel service (again) with all the college students in the morning. I then have Worship lecture in the afternoon with the incredible Aaron Puddle. Following that I have my Church life, which is where I volunteer each week in being apart of church. I volunteer at Youth Alive, which is an awesome organization connected with Hillsong that plans Youth and Youth pastor events throughout the year. After that, I go home and get ready for connect group, which is totally incredible. This small group is what helps me going each week and it is so full of life and support and such a spirit of faith.


Thursday: I have Sisterhood in the morning. Sisterhood is the women's ministry here at the church and is all about empowering women to step into the role God has placed for us all. I'll be serving in Sisterhood in a few weeks and that will be amazing. We have coffee and tea and toast and it all makes you just feel so beautiful. After that, I have Personal Leadership tutorial with Margaret Stunt, who is AMAZING. I couldn't not ask for a more wise, real, and passionate person to be my instructor. And she's British! Ha! After tutorial, I work at Youth Alive for a few hours. Then at night, I go to creative night, which is where everyone in the creative streams comes together to worship and present pieces and talk about the creative life of this church.


Friday: I have Fridays off but lately I've been volunteering the 7th-9th grade ministry called Fuel at night time with my friend Kim. We're able to pray and encourage and have just crazy fun with these kids. A lot of the kids have a genuine passion for Jesus and they're even stepping up to pray and lead each other. As much as I'm encouraging them, they encourage me as well.


Saturday: Always up for fun on these days! I went to the beach last Saturday and it was beautiful. 


Sunday: I get to the church at 7am for choir and I sing at both morning services. It's so surreal. Every Sunday, I've just been amazed at the fact that I'm in choir at Hillsong Church. It's an incredible blessing and God speaks to me every single service. After church, I go home and rest until it's time to go to the night service.




SOOOOO, yes. This is my week. I go through a roller coaster of emotions each week, but I know I'm growing into the woman God has made me to be. He's revealing himself in ways I can't imagine. This first month has been hard and overwhelming, but I've never been so sure of where He's wanted to me. This is my dream come true. I'm beyond blessed.


My last little note: God has given me incredible friends! My housemates are just the best. They're all unique and hilarious and fun, but God has so strategically put us together and we're a force to be reckoned with! And then I have a new friend Kim from Florida. It's been one of those weird instant connections. Not quite explainable, but I've found such comfort in her friendship. It's one of those where all you have to do is be in the same room with them to feel better. God has seriously surrounded me with his love through these incredible girls. 

Here's my little update, and I hope you enjoyed. I'm asking for prayer for provision and God's guidance throughout this time. Thank you all for all you've done for me and you're constant support! 


xx :)

Serious

I've done some amazing things in the past week. So far, I've been to Bondi Beach and climbed on the rocks. I've walked around the city of Sydney and eaten great gelato as well as see the Sydney Opera house (which is absolutely GORGEOUS). I've walked home singing in the rain. I went to an incredible retreat for young adults with eye-opening speakers and thick, powerful worship. I ate more fruit than I have in my whole life. I've gone to an insane crazy dance party. I've met students from several nations. I've watched fireworks from the Sydney harbor. I've slept on the beach for a few hours (before being rained out and having to sleep in the car. Sort of a bust, but I still saw an amazing sunrise). I've had incredible conversations with my wonderful, faith-filled housemates. 

But besides all this, it truthfully has been really hard. I knew it would be, but as much as you can brace yourself for something doesn't mean you won't feel the full effects of it. My emotions have been on an extreme roller coaster. I miss my family terribly. I miss laying on the coach at home. I miss my church. I miss my best friends. I miss it all. I hate talking on the phone to my parents because I practically break down in tears each time we speak.

However, in the transition and insanity and adjustments, the Lord has already started to work so much on my heart. The retreat was so huge for helping get my mind on Him and off myself. The moment I got to college and started meeting students, I became extremely insecure. Every outfit I regretted. Every hair do wasn't enough. I felt like a dork having to wear my glasses constantly to let my eye heal from a flame-up last Sunday. 

But as I let the Lord minister to me at the retreat, I really felt him telling me how much he valued me and how he hated when I compared myself to others. Because I can't be compared to anyone else. He loves me just as I am and wants to use me just as I am. His plans for me are so much bigger than the ones I have for myself and I can't put him in a box.

I made a promise for this year that this is the year I'm getting serious about the Lord. Serious about him being in every aspect of my life. Serious about depending on him more than ever before, despite what I feel or the circumstances that present themselves to me. 

In Job 42:5 it says, "My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you."

The Lord is taking me to the next level in our relationship, but that means I have to go to the next level in my devotion. To see his face, I must seek it. Above all else, I have to continue to establish time and intimacy with him because that is the only thing that keeps me grounded and secure.

I don't know what the year holds or what the future brings, but I know who holds this year and who brings the future. I will hold fast to his promise and his word. I know he will never leave me, nor forsake me.

"God is good and will only ever do good." -Steve Penny 

Every day I'm here, God confirms more and more that he wants me here and things get better and better. The Lord has only GOOD things planned for me and I am open to whatever he wants to do. To him be ALL the honor and glory and praise and worship.

"Take the world, but give me Jesus."

xx

L