And alas, I have come to the end of the greatest year of my life so far. How exactly did that happen? I almost feel like I've jumped into a time machine, because arriving here still seems like a week ago.
More than an outward and countenance change, I really believe this year has dug a well so deep in me for who God is. It's no longer become about desiring a faith or relationship like what the amazing worship leader has or what Bobbie Houston has, but God has given me a specific and unique measure that he gets to fill and use in this world. It makes all mindsets of comparison go away. No one can do what God's called me to do and I can't do what God has called anyone else to do either.
The greatest thing I've learnt this year is trust. It seems a bit obvious, but it's the deepening of trust that has changed me so much. I've learned to trust Jesus not because of what he can give me or do for me, but I've actually learned to trust who he is. He isn't just the fixer of my situation. He isn't just involved. He controls everything in my situation. He has all authority in my situation. He is so much bigger than I've often given him credit for being, in my life especially.
When I trust him, it no longer is about me, because I know I can't change the situation in and of myself. I depend on him, because I know my strength is not enough. Therefore, when life falls into place and I come out strong in tough situations, it's ALL because of him. A verse in Isaiah 63 spoke to me to strongly last week and I think it describes what God wants to do in all of us:
Isaiah 63:11b-14
Where is he who set his Holy Spirit among them, who sent his glorious arm of power to be at Moses' right hand, who divided the waters before them, to gain for himself everlasting renown, who led them through the depths? Like a horse in open country, they did not stumble; like cattle that go down to the plain, they were given rest by the Spirit of the Lord. This is how you guided your people to make for yourself a glorious name.
Yes, because I am relationship with Jesus and am running after his heart, I am going to great things and I know I am going to be sustained through every season, but it's not for me. It's to make his name glorious! It's to lift people's eyes to their Maker. I've learned that this is why I sing, and this is why I love to lead people into the presence of Jesus through song. It's not because of what I can do, but it's what people are experiencing through what I do and that it is the unconditional love and freedom of Christ.
Okay, here's an update of what's going on for me in this next season:
- I'm staying here over break to work so that I can do second year of college. I truly believe that God isn't done with me here yet and next year is going to be so strategic and foundational for where He is leading me after college.
- I have two jobs at the moment: Gloria Jeans (a coffee shop, sorta like Starbucks) and I'm still at the Playland Cafe for kids.
- I honestly don't' know how I'm going to be able to pay for all of second year, but I know God is going to provide for every need if this is where he has me. I'm believing that all tuition and fees will be paid in full by the time I start at the end of January. So yes, I'm needing another miracle but if there's anything I've learned about God's provision, it's that he doesn't get tired of providing for me, especially when he's getting the glory for it. It's not like I come to him needing another miracle and he goes, "Seriously, Lydia, again?". He delights in giving good gifts to his children. So I'm pumped!
- I'm going to be helping at an extension service every Sunday over break (and potentially all of next year). I'm so excited to serve and build into the creative team and service itself and see God bring even more freedom and life to the family at Burwood.
- I'm so pumped to bring some of my coworkers to church over this break and I'm determined to see as many as I can meet Jesus! My heart is that this break would be so much more than about me even though I know I'm going through a journey myself.
Well, you're probably tired of reading this by now, so I'm going to wrap it up. I miss everyone more than I think anyone knows. But my prayer is that I'll be able to visit home for the July break as a birthday present (hint, hint Mom and Dad!). God is doing such beautiful and wondrous and redemptive things on this earth and I'm so blessed to be a small part of it.
I love you all and I'll talk to you soon!
xx
L
ps. Be on the lookout for a little Christmas video I'll be uploading for everyone. Yes, I'll be at the beach on Christmas day, but that doesn't stop me from having a White Christmas in Tennessee still in my heart :)
